Ratchet & Clank PS2 Trilogy Reviews

Come one, come all, for it is that time of year once again. 2012 is the tenth anniversary of yet another prolific series that started on the PlayStation 2: namely, a quaint little platforming franchise by the name of “Ratchet & Clank”. One of the PS2’s mascots back in the 2000’s alongside the likes of Jak and Sly Cooper, Ratchet & Clank seamlessly combined the elements of a typical platformer with a third-person shooter, something that was expanded upon by later installments that have gone on well into the PS3 era. Fortunately, unlike former mascot Spyro the Dragon, the series has remained under the control of the original developer and thus has yet to devolve into a hollow, despicable shell of its former self. That is, unless you hated All 4 One just that much. Anyway, in honor of this occasion, I will be reviewing the original trilogy for the PlayStation 2. I was going to review the entire series like I did with Kingdom Hearts, but unfortunately, I soon found I was too preoccupied with other games and such to do so. Nonetheless, off we go.

Ratchet & Clank

Ratchet & Clank introduces us to our two titular protagonists: Ratchet, an alien being known as a Lombax; and Clank, a tiny robot.  After being born on an assembly line due to a glitch, Clank finds a recording on an Infobot that tells the plight of the “Blargs”, led by Supreme Executive Chairman Drek.  As it turns out, their home planet has become much too polluted to support life, and so they intend to create a new planet using the pieces of other planets, which will inevitably lead to said other planets’ destruction. Clank escapes, but after an epic space battle, he is sent crashing down to the surface of the Planet Veldin, where he meets Ratchet, who is currently working on a spaceship. Clank, as luck would have it, has the parts necessary to make the spaceship run, and Ratchet agrees to help Clank if he would be so kind as to provide them. Thus begins an adventure of epic proportions.

The storyline of Ratchet & Clank…really isn’t much to write home about. It’s mildly interesting and gets points for some solid writing, which leads to a number of funny lines and moments, as well as some stellar voice acting. However, there are some pretty big problems holding it back. In particular, those two problems would be the main protagonist and the main villain. Clank is a decent enough character and Ratchet comes off as okay at first, but after a big moment in the plot, he immediately becomes a total jerk to his adventuring buddy and generally starts to come off as quite selfish, wanting to chase after a secondary villain while the main one is basically committing mass homicide. This could have been handled well if it hadn’t been emphasized too much, but for the next few hours of the game, it’s like it becomes his main character trait. Of course, once the secondary villain is defeated, he apologizes and snaps back to his old self just as quickly and is ready to once again take on Drek. Bottom line, he’s far from a likable protagonist, just as Drek is far from an interesting villain. He has some funny lines here and there, but in the end comes off as very clichéd, especially at the game’s end.

But anyone playing a platformer for the story should probably reevaluate their lives. Of course, Ratchet & Clank is more than just a platformer. As already stated, Ratchet & Clank opted to seamlessly blend platforming and shooting, as did its eventual sequels. Did the mix work? I suppose it should go without saying at this point that the answer is a resounding “yes”. Over the course of the game, you will gain a variety of weapons, which, while considerably “tamer” than the toys later installments would give us to play with, are quite a bit of fun to use. Especially notable are the Pyrocitor, a flamethrower; the Devastator, a rocket launcher; and my personal favorite, the Visibomb Gun, a remote-controlled missile launcher. Oh, and Ratchet also has a giant freaking wrench that he uses to smack people around with. But even the most fun of weapons can’t help a game much when there aren’t any challenging enemies to use them on, and I’ll admit, when the game starts out, it will seem pretty lacking in this department. The enemies will come off as ludicrously easy in the opening areas, but things quickly pick up once you get to Nebula G34 and the difficulty steadily increases from there, to the point of becoming quite tough towards the end.

As for the platforming, equally emphasized as the game’s weapons are “gadgets”, which are various little utilities you collect over the course of the game that help you to overcome the obstacles and puzzles that stand in your way. There are quite a few of these, but the most notable ones are Clank’s upgrades, which include such accessories as the Heli-Pack, Hydro Pack, and even a Jet Pack. Each of these, aside from being incredibly cool, helps to meaningfully improve Ratchet’s mobility by allowing him to cross larger gaps, do ground pounds, swim faster, or what have you. There are also the Grind Boots and Gravity Boots, which allow you to grind on rails and walk on special walls and ceilings (respectively), as well as the Swingshot (basically a glorified grappling hook), and the Hydrodisplacer, which allows you to empty and fill certain bodies of water, along with many others. Much like the shooting aspect, platforming starts out fairly simplistic and easy, but as more and more of these gadgets become available to you, the level designs grow significantly in complexity and challenge level. What’s also interesting is that, while each planet is technically linear in design, they still contain different objectives for you to complete and give you a bit of freedom as to your approach thereof. The design thus ends up being very solid overall, but Ratchet & Clank also gives you a very satisfying sense of progression as you collect more weapons and upgrades, something that not too many platformers have to offer.

What’s almost as impressive as the gameplay is Ratchet & Clank’s presentation. Obviously, the game doesn’t look as stunning as it did ten years ago, but it still holds up surprisingly well, especially in terms of animations. They’re incredibly fluid, both during gameplay and in cutscenes, and one tiny thing that I always thought was amazing was the fact that Ratchet actually points all weapons upward if you approach a wall. This is something not even a lot of first-person shooters do even today. Sure, it’s a little thing, but back then, it was always a surprise to see that kind of attention to detail. The weapons themselves all have different animations upon being summoned as well as accompanying sound effects thereof, and the environments really don’t look half-bad either. There’s one moment in an area late in the game where you’re basically walking upside down on a giant space ship carrying a half-finished planetary body with another nearby planet visible off in the distance, and I swear, it still accomplishes that feeling of “Holy crap, I am walking upside down on a giant space ship carrying a half-finished planetary body with another planet visible off in the distance”. On a technical level, this game was pretty ahead of its time. On top of that, each location just feels alive in its own way. As already noted, each planet contains several different areas to visit. There is a different soundtrack and atmosphere for each, and the enemies you encounter on every planet only add to this feeling. A planet often used as a logging site, for instance, sees you going up against lumberjack robots and buzz saw-wielding enemies, and a planet in the throes of war pits you against soldiers, tanks and battleships. Enemies are rarely rehashed for other locations and when they are, they feel like they belong.

Worth noting is that there are a few areas in the game that are played with Clank alone. His move set is very limited when compared to Ratchet’s and he’s not a very good fighter either, but what makes these segments interesting is that you can take control of “Gadgebots”. Aside from attacking enemies for you, these are also necessary for solving puzzles, and the fact that you have to keep them alive also creates an interesting challenge. Clank’s sections are nothing spectacular, but are pretty neat in their own right.

I couldn't find any other good screenshots of the first game, so instead enjoy these two adorable puppies.

 The only real problem with Ratchet & Clank’s gameplay is the Trespasser puzzles. Early on in the game, you get a gadget called the “Trespasser”, which you will need to use to open certain locks. This is done by solving a puzzle, which involves rotating a set of yellow lights so that they shine green into certain slots, maneuvering the parts of the puzzle board so that nothing is blocking their way. The puzzles aren’t necessarily poorly-designed, but they are tedious and feel time-consuming in such a way that breaks the game’s otherwise fast pace.

In short, Ratchet & Clank, while far from the series’ best, was excellent for its time and is still a quite worthy title today. It does feel pretty dated after playing the later games, but that’s really not its fault. Speaking of which…

Going Commando

Ah, Going Commando. This is the game that started the endearing little title running gag. Anyway, in Going Commando, Ratchet & Clank are suddenly transported to the Bogon Galaxy, where a company known as Megacorp has a monopoly on all commerce.  They had been called there by CEO Ambercrombie Fizzwidget, who informs them that an experiment had been stolen by a mysterious thief and then hires them to stop said thief. Then the plot thickens, crap hits the fan and lots of stuff happens. The storyline, while still nothing really special, is quite a bit more interesting than the first game’s. Ratchet also gets a much-needed characterization overhaul that makes him a far more likable character, complete with a voice change. He is now Tidus from Final Fantasy X. Haw haw haw. All that aside, the writing is even funnier this time around and the plot twist at the end regarding the villain does a lot to add to the story as well. In short, it’s pretty nice.

But the story isn’t the only thing you can expect to have improved in Going Commando. In fact, I’m going to say this right now: Going Commando is an almost perfect sequel. Not just to the original Ratchet & Clank, but period. It’s a paragon of how to build on to an already solid experience. As for why, let’s start with the game’s weapons. Not only is the selection far larger than it was in the original, but it’s simply cooler. The original Ratchet & Clank’s arsenal is utterly bland by comparison. Gone are the simple flamethrowers, bomb gloves and the like. Instead, Going Commando gives us such firepower as the electrified Plasma Coil, which can damage several enemies at once; the Synthenoids, robotic buddies that come to your aid; the Seeker Gun, which shoots out missiles that home in on targets once they pass by; the Bouncer, which explodes into tiny, destructive grenades on impact, and many more.

But the coolest thing actually isn’t the weapons themselves so much as the fact that you can actually upgrade them this time around, a feature would take even more prominence in later installments. The more you use a weapon, the more EXP it gains, and it eventually transforms into something even more awesome. An early weapon, the Gravity Bomb launcher, for instance, transforms into the Mini-Nuke launcher, which actually remains quite useful throughout the game’s entire duration. The Minirocket Tube becomes the Megarocket Cannon, which allows for charged shots, and so on and so forth. RPG elements also come into play in regards to upgrading Ratchet’s health in this game, as the more enemies you kill, the more EXP you gain, which eventually leads to health upgrades. This not only adds an incredible amount of depth to the gameplay, but it’s also necessary to make use of this, as the difficulty becomes quite brutal as the game goes on. And unlike the first game, Going Commando doesn’t pull too many punches for new players; it’s reasonably challenging from the get-go. Of course, the game remains fair throughout its duration, so it comes off as more of a fun challenge than a frustrating one. Just be prepared.

The platformer side of the game has been expanded upon brilliantly as well. The game does focus a bit more on puzzle solving than the first game, but the straight-up platforming this game offers is still very strong. In general, the amount of creativity that has gone into the game’s various challenges is really quite astounding, and there are some nice new gadgets to go along with them. Particularly noteworthy are the Dynamo and Tractor Beam, the latter of which powers up or creates objects briefly and the former of which allows you to maneuver certain objects. And while it doesn’t have much to do with actual platforming, the game also gives you Glider and Levitator gadgets, both of which lead to some very fun and challenging flying sections. But even that isn’t all this game has to offer. Over the course of this game, you will play through space dogfighting levels, a fun racing mini-game, and, in what would become a series staple, fighting tournaments. Most missions involving these are optional, but they are very nice and are yet another excellent example of how much more this game has to offer than the first game. Even Clank’s few solo areas have been expanded on a bit. Not only are they generally more interesting in design, but they give you more robots to control, such as the Bridge Bot and Hammer Bot, that have different uses.

Going Commando has equivalents to the Trespasser of old, but they’re much more fun to use. These gadgets would be the Electrolyzer and Infiltrator. The Electrolyzer requires you to manipulate connectors with the press of the “X” button in order for an electrical charge to enter each, and the Infiltrator puzzles ask you to move an electrical charge along sections of a sphere, wrapping around it until it makes it back to the start. Both types of puzzles are actually pretty enjoyable and are much less annoying and pace-breaking than the Trespasser puzzles. The one problem I do have with Going Commando is with the sections played as Giant Clank. There were a couple of short ones in the first, and they were alright, but here they just come off as repetitive and dull. You have a few more weapons at your disposal, but they’re not incredibly useful against the bosses thereof. Not only that, but they tend to drag on for quite a while. There are only two of these areas in the entire game, but they’re pretty dang annoying. That aside, Going Commando is a gaming masterpiece and easily one of the best platformers of the PS2 era. As for the next game…

Up Your Arsenal

The third game in the series and last of the original trilogy, Up Your Arsenal at first sees Ratchet & Clank going up against an alien race known as the “Tyhrranoids” alongside a cowardly group of soldiers. It turns out that the mastermind behind this is Dr. Nefarious, aided by his ever-faithful butler, Lawrence.  His evil plan is to rid the galaxy of all organic life forms. Naturally, that doesn’t fly, but it turns out that the only one who was ever able to defeat Dr. Nefarious was Captain Qwark, who has mysteriously disappeared. Ratchet & Clank find him…under strange circumstances, but once Qwark has his memory back, he organizes a group called the “Q-Force” that will go up against Nefarious’ forces. Thus begins yet another adventure of epic proportions.

The storyline of Up Your Arsenal is actually quite enjoyable. Not only is the writing even better than in the previous two games, but the villain, Dr. Nefarious, is pretty awesome. I’ve not seen many villains as intentionally hammy as this guy. He makes Ghirahim from Skyward Sword seem subtle. Lawrence is pretty funny, too, specifically thanks to his attitude about his job and the guy he happens to be working under. Most of the other characters are very enjoyable as well, and, in comparison to the previous games, the general plot is pretty interesting. Overall, Up Your Arsenal definitely has the best storyline of the PS2 trilogy.

In terms of gameplay, though, what can you expect? Well, I suppose I should say right now that Up Your Arsenal’s level designs are pretty bland in comparison to the first game’s and Going Commando’s. The platforming is still there, but in much smaller amounts, and while there are some pretty nice areas here and there - Annihilation Nation’s deathcourses, in particular - most of it isn’t terribly interesting. Even the puzzles, what few there are, aren’t anything to write home about either. Most of the time, they just consist of you using the Refractor gadget to redirect lasers, which holds very little challenge and doesn’t require much thought. Most of the new gadgets aren’t anything too remarkable either; the Hypershot is simply a combination of the Swingshot and Dynamo without any of the interesting platforming and puzzle segments that went along with the latter and the creatively-named Hacker leads to this game’s door-hacking mini-games, which aren’t really anything special. You simply collect green blobs and shoot the red ones; there’s really not much of a challenge to it. The only really interesting new gadget is the Tyhrra-Guise, which turns you into a Tyhrranoid. You will need to make use of this to get past certain doors and barriers, and I have to say, I think it’s pretty creative how conversations with other Tyhrranoids are played as a rhythm game. Most of Up Your Arsenal’s levels are more explicitly linear than those of the previous two games, as well, only having one path that you stick to the entire time rather than having two or three different paths that take you to different objectives. However, this was probably done to keep the story moving at a solid pace, so it’s not a problem.

With all that said, it’s clear that platforming and puzzle-solving were downplayed so that Up Your Arsenal could focus on the shooting elements. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because the shooting elements are incredibly strong. You are given a very wide variety of awesome and even downright creative weapons to use in this game. From exploding nitro bombs to homing buzz saws of death to interdimensional black holes of doom to plasma whips to a gun that locks onto a number of enemies before shooting out massive blasts of electricity, the weapons are simply amazing and very fun to take down your enemies with. Up Your Arsenal also expands on Going Commando’s RPG elements even more, with each weapon now going through four different upgraded versions before reaching its most powerful form. Words cannot express just how rewarding it feels when a weapon you’ve used for so long finally reaches the peak of its evolution and you experience the satisfaction of blowing the enemies before you away with ease.

Of course, like Going Commando, Up Your Arsenal’s difficulty curves very naturally and some weapons that work amazingly well at the beginning might not work so well at the end. You will also need to make sure your weapons are always up to the coming challenges. Thus, Up Your Arsenal encourages you to change things up even more so than Going Commando did, something I also appreciate. In the end, though, while Going Commando felt like the ultimate logical evolution of the Ratchet & Clank gameplay at that point, thanks to the way the levels are designed, Up Your Arsenal feels more like it’s just a really fun third-person shooter with some platforming elements. Again, I suppose this isn’t an inherently bad thing, but I wish they would have tried to push every aspect of the franchise forward rather than placing the game’s focus on one thing.

Though Up Your Arsenal still has the fighting tournaments from Going Commando alongside new, challenging “deathcourses” where most of the game’s platforming takes place, the racing and space combat mini-games are gone. Instead, some areas have missions that throw you into a war-zone where you have to help robotic soldiers fend off a Tyhrranoid invasion by completing various objectives. Aside from some boring vehicle and turret segments, the majority of these are quite enjoyable. There are also Captain Qwark “vid-comics” that you find throughout the game, which are played as simplistic 2-D platformer-shooters. They’re surprisingly enjoyable and offer a nice break from the rest of the game.

Aside from my problems with the game’s level design, I also have to say that I’m not too big of a fan of this game’s bosses. Up Your Arsenal has much more of them than the two games that preceded it, and, aside from the final boss, most of them don’t put up much of a fight. Pretty much all you have to do is spam your weapons until they die, maybe moving left and right a bit to avoid some attacks. Up Your Arsenal is also a fair bit shorter than Going Commando from my experience, lasting about ten hours as opposed to Going Commando’s fifteen. It’s still long enough for a platformer, but it does feel like a step down.

But while it’s not quite as awesome as the game that preceded it, Up Your Arsenal is a very fun game. The strength of the shooting elements does more than enough to make up for the weak level design, the story is quite nice, and the fighting tournaments and various other little distractions are still great. And one thing that I actually didn’t mention about the other two games that also holds true for this one is that you unlock a Challenge Mode once you complete the game for the first time. This allows you to buy even better versions of the weapons you have already upgraded and allows you to upgrade them further along with your max health, which will be necessary in order to go up against even tougher enemies. It also makes money-making much faster thanks to score multipliers that build up as you kill enemies. It’s a fantastic way to add replay value and if you loved the experience, chances are you’re going to want to play through it again.

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There was one other Ratchet game released for the PS2, which is quite different from the main trilogy. It will receive its own review later on in this (*ahem* NOW CANCELLED) review series. In the meantime, though, I suppose I should mention that each of these three games has been remastered for the PS3. These remasters are available in the Ratchet & Clank Collection and also individually for download on PSN for $15 each. I can’t personally comment on the quality of the ports, but the critical reviews for the collection have been solid, so if you own a PS3 and have never played these games, it would probably be a worthwhile investment. Well, until next time, farewell.

Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance Review

Not long ago, I took upon myself the task of reviewing each game in the Kingdom Hearts series from 2002 to 2010, in honor of the tenth anniversary of said series. I completed my mission three months ago with Birth by Sleep, but a new day brings new adventure, and so I once again find myself in front of the computer, typing up a massive, detailed analysis as to why Kingdom Hearts is mankind’s finest accomplishment since we reached the peak of our evolution as a species eons ago. All exaggerated praise aside, after ten years of Kingdom Hearts, we all should have a good idea of what to expect from Dream Drop Distance: spiky-haired, androgynous protagonists, nostalgic romps through Disney worlds and meetings with the characters thereof, an unreasonable amount of intense bloodless carnage carried out with a giant key, and an exceptionally convoluted storyline that will throw a seemingly endless amount of increasingly bizarre plot twists at you until your brain inevitably ceases to function.

They're all kind of the same person. Sort of. I could explain if you have a couple of hours to spare.

Yes, across the past ten years, that has certainly proven to be one of the more controversial aspects of the Kingdom Hearts series: the complicated narrative. I’ve made it pretty clear at this point that I’m rather a fan of it, but it’s not been received so well by everyone. Of course, this could be partially because some people simply don’t appreciate such complexity in general, which is understandable, because storylines such as that of Kingdom Hearts can get quite confusing if you don’t pay a lot of attention and also tend to become very…strange, I’ll say. Personally, though, I rather enjoy convoluted storylines so long as they’re careful to avoid plot holes, feature solid characters and don’t devolve into complete nonsense. The story of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, which I would probably call one of my all-time favorites, is a perfect example of such a story: crazy and ridiculously complex, but deep, incredibly involving and far from stupid. It also gets bonus points for ret-conning many of the dumber elements of MGS2’s storyline so that they made much, much more sense.

Oh, by the way, these guys are all the same person, too. Kind of.

Of course, even I, being as big of a Kingdom Hearts fanboy as I am, wouldn’t insinuate that the series approaches MGS4’s standard of writing. The games’ scripts can at times be a tad hit or miss, featuring occasional sprinkles of uncalled-for cheese and generally awkward sequences. Some entries are worse about this than others – Birth by Sleep in particular has given us such lovely gems as “Has the DARKNESS taken YOU, TERRA?!!” and 3D, while one of the better ones in this regard, still has its more…”off-putting” lines. Kingdom Hearts has never prided itself on accessibility, either; start with almost any game except for the first and you will probably be completely lost. Even Birth by Sleep, despite being a prequel, may have some aspects that won’t make much sense to new players. Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance, fortunately, does away with this problem, as synopses of each of the previous games will unlock at relevant moments in the storyline.

As for the storyline of the game in question? It’s…probably the craziest one yet. Throughout the game, you can tell that the story is building up to something pretty significant, and it definitely delivers. The revelations and plot twists that come at the end of 3D turn the series’ entire continuity upside-down – and if you thought Birth by Sleep already did that, you haven’t seen anything yet. You are not going to this coming, but it’s definitely handled well and adds deeper meaning to the events of the franchise’s other games. Most fans such as I will probably eat it right up and it’s setting itself up for what will certainly be a conclusion of epic proportions. When it comes to other matters of importance, you won’t find any Final Fantasy cameos this time around; rather, the opening world is populated by characters from another popular Square RPG, The World Ends With You. I’ve never played it myself, but the characters seem very likable, so I’m definitely interested. The storyline is told from the perspectives of both Sora and Riku, making his first fully playable appearance since Chain of Memories, and you alternate between them constantly as the game goes on. What’s interesting is that the game doesn’t handle the Disney worlds like Birth by Sleep did, having the movie’s storyline play out across the three characters’ scenarios with the events in one storyline relating to events in another. Rather, Sora and Riku both visit different versions of each world – it makes sense in context – and two separate storylines that are drawn from the same movie play out.

As for the movies that were chosen for 3D, our list isn’t quite as extensive as that of other titles. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pinocchio, Tron Legacy, Fantasia, and, curiously enough, a direct-to-video movie called Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers are the movies we will be visiting in 3D. Before entering the world with either character, you are required to complete a “Dive” stage, which is basically the Gummi Ship without the Gummi Ship and there’s a bit more variety to these stages as well. As already mentioned, you visit the same worlds with both characters, but like in Birth by Sleep, they both have different challenges to overcome and at times even visit different areas of the worlds entirely. For instance, in the Pinocchio world, Sora visits the amusement park and ocean sections of it, while Riku’s portion takes place inside the whale, breathing new life into a familiar location from the series. You alternate between both characters constantly, whether it’s of your own accord or not, thanks to the “Drop Gauge”, which decreases as you spend time with either character. If it depletes completely, you will be forced to switch to the other character, and you will be allowed to use any “Drop Points” you acquired to give them various bonuses. This was obviously done for story pacing reasons, and, to that end, it succeeds. Some find it intrusive, especially in boss fights, but there are items called “Drop-Me-Nots” that restore some of the Drop Gauge, and you generally happen upon them quite often.

Anyway, those are certainly very diverse locations, yes, but when compared to previous major titles, this does come off as a meager amount. Fortunately, the game makes up for this. While there aren’t as many worlds this time around, the worlds we do get are the absolute largest the series has seen yet, giving you massive areas to explore. Accordingly, there is no shortage of treasures and other assorted secrets hidden within each of the worlds, making exploration very worthwhile. Of course, to explore effectively, you will have to make use of 3D’s primary gameplay mechanic. Yes, it’s time to discuss that.

OH BOY

 Really, mere words cannot describe how utterly amazing Kingdom Hearts 3D’s “Flowmotion”, as they have so lovingly named it, is. From the very first trailers, watching Sora and Riku swing around poles and ricochet off walls, I knew that this was going to be something special. No doubt, it’s one of the coolest and most useful things ever programmed into a video game. By simply dashing onto a pole or wall, you activate a technique that suddenly allows you to soar to massive heights, jump off or even climb up walls, and fly around at the speed of light. Grinding on rails, pipes, and wires as if you’re Sonic the Hedgehog is also rather common, and the Flowmotion in general makes merely traveling from place to place a great joy, and you will be required to make use of it to reach many of the game’s secrets. Flowmotion isn’t broken, as you can only perform so many actions without making contact with a wall or a pole of some sort, which makes it that much more satisfying when you use it skillfully, soaring from wall-to-wall with such finesse, grabbing onto a pole in preparation for another jump and then taking to the skies once more until you reach a dead end. Words can’t do it justice, of course; you’ll have to experience it for yourself. What’s even more interesting is that many of the worlds give the Flowmotion uses of their own. From jumping across rooftops in La Cite des Cloches, to grinding on lines of data in The Grid, to riding a freaking rollercoaster in Prankster’s Paradise, and even to reaching the boss of Sora’s section of Symphony of Sorcery, Flowmotion proves an incredible addition that will no doubt make any previous game feel limiting by comparison.

Flowmotion is also put to very effective use in the realm of combat. Yes, with this being a Kingdom Hearts game and all, you can expect a lot of that stuff. This time around, Sora and Riku are actually fighting off “Dream Eaters”. They’re much…cutesier than previous foes, but they still put up quite the fight. As far as combat is concerned, Flowmotion gives you access to several new moves, including a ground pound, a spiral attack, a spinning attack, and various others that depend on how Flowmotion is being used. One that is particularly fun is an ability that allows you to grab onto large enemies with your Keyblade and then fling them across long distances. Combat retains the Command Deck used in Birth by Sleep and Re:coded, which you customize using the various commands you get through various means over the course of the game. It’s still not quite as deep as it was in Birth by Sleep, getting rid of the Command Styles and lacking the ability to meld commands, but it makes up for it by giving you a much wider variety of commands at your disposal. 3D also adds another all-new mechanic to the combat system that makes use of the 3DS’s touch screen: the Reality Shift. During combat, you may see a pink circle form around the target reticle of an enemy or object; press “X” and “Y” simultaneously, and you will enter Reality Shift and control will switch to the touch screen. The exact move depends on the world you’re in; the Reality Shift for Traverse Town allows you to fling enemies at each other, the one for Prankster’s Paradise encases an enemy in a bubble that you then ride to trap other enemies in, the one for Symphony of Sorcery is a rhythm game, and so on and so forth. Ultimately, while it does remove some of Birth by Sleep’s more interesting features, what it adds in return ensures that the combat of Kingdom Hearts 3D is just as much fun.

In case you’re wondering, no, you still won’t be accompanied by Donald in Goofy as in the days of old, but you won’t be entering these worlds alone either. There are actually two types of Dream Eaters. The ones you have to fight are Nightmares, but there are also Spirits, which fight alongside you when you create them. These Spirits also have Link Gauges that fill as you fight, and if they fill all the way up, you can team up with that Spirit to perform a devastating attack as Sora or combine with it to change your moveset as Riku. Spirits don’t just help you in battle, though; by interacting with them through petting them with the touch screen and playing various mini-games, you can build up Link Points. These Link Points are used on a Spirit’s Ability Grid, which contains various stat boosts as well as several useful commands, and the Spirits are so ridiculously lovable that it doesn’t come off as busywork. Be aware, though, that if a Spirit dies and you aren’t able to save it in time, it’s gone for good. And that’s really sad.

The visuals of Kingdom Hearts 3D are simply gorgeous by 3DS standards; in fact, I’d say it’s the best-looking game released for the console thus far. The 3D effect is also particularly impressive, especially in the Dive stages. As usual, the soundtrack is sublime, and, since this game is a celebration of ten years of Kingdom Hearts, you can expect to hear some nostalgic tracks from some older games. One thing that’s really interesting is the fact that the same music used in the movie serves as the soundtrack for the Fantasia world. All in all, it’s pretty awesome.

Kingdom Hearts 3D is one of the shorter games in the series, but there’s a great deal of replayability. There are tons of secrets to find, extra missions to complete and a lot of collectible Trophies, received by performing various tasks. There is also a card-based mini-game reminiscent of Chain of Memories called Flick Rush, which is played with your Spirits. It’s actually quite fun and features several matches. And, as any fan would expect, there’s the secret ending that hints at the next game, which you can always watch on YouTube! …*ahem*…That is, if you’re too lazy to unlock it legitimately like a REAL gamer! Hehe!

Overall, I didn’t actually expect Kingdom Hearts 3D to blow me away as much as it did. Of course I was expecting to have a great time with it, but I didn’t think it would surpass Birth by Sleep as the series’ pinnacle and I definitely didn’t expect that I wouldn’t have any real problems with it. I mean, I suppose I have a few nitpicks: the framerate can chug a bit at times, for one, and while the script is mostly decent, like I said, there are a couple of stupid lines.  But on the whole, I didn’t feel like these were anywhere near severe enough to knock the game’s grade down. Kingdom Hearts 3D is borderline perfect. It’s the best game in the series thus far, a must-have for the 3DS and my personal favorite of the titles released for the console so far. Square only knows what the future holds for my favorite RPG series, but whatever it is, it has some pretty big shoes to fill. It may very well be the long-awaited HD Kingdom Hearts III we’ve been begging to receive for oh so long.

Grade: A+

Nights: Journey of Dreams Review

Ladies and gentlemen, five days ago today, I witnessed this:

This is something that should have happened several years ago, but hey, better late than never, as they say. I always thought that Nights into Dreams would be perfectly suited for an arcade release, considering its play style and general size. Not to mention that my own SEGA Saturn hasn’t been functional for a very long time, which unfortunately still leaves me unable to play this wondrous and nostalgic masterpiece until this remastered version is finally released, a fact that greatly saddens me. I still remember receiving the dusty old thing around six years ago and Nights alongside it, ready to play this Sonic Team cult classic that I had never experienced before. I wasn’t sure what to make of it at first, but once I was into it, boy, was I ever into it. The magnificent soundtrack, the amazingly creative levels, the surprisingly well-aged abstract visual design, the simple storyline that expressed so much without a single line of dialogue, the fluid gameplay, the perfect controls, the general originality…good Lord, it was an experience. It was a very short game, but I replayed it far too many times to count. My SEGA Saturn’s save battery was dead long before I received it, so I had to start over each time I played, but did I care? Not in the least. To my 10-year-old mind, this was one of the best games I had ever played, and I actually wouldn’t expect my opinion to have changed too drastically over time. Of course, I suppose I will ultimately have to wait and see until I have finally experienced it again, but still, I’m expecting to have a pretty freaking good time.

Ah…and reminiscing about Nights into Dreams reminds me of its heavily belated sequel, Journey of Dreams. Had you asked anyone so many years ago, they would certainly tell you that this game simply called for a sequel, but years passed and there was no word. Nights received many cameos in later SEGA games and there was a prototype for a new Nights game on the Dreamcast, but it never went beyond that stage. Then, finally, in 2007, a sequel was announced, for the Nintendo Wii no less. See, this was back before we realized that the Wii is a terrible console that wants to eat everyone’s babies, and instead were dreaming of all of the ways in which the new Nights game would take advantage of the Wii’s amazing and innovative technology. Who gives a crap that Sonic Team had only just been responsible for two of the worst abominations to ever be crapped out of their core franchise? They were making a new Nights game, and it was going to be a masterful sequel that would do the utmost justice to its eleven-year-old predecessor. So, did it succeed after all? Well…it’s a bit hard to say. Let’s just dive right in to the controversial Nights: Journey of Dreams.

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Since I don’t want to start the review on a negative note, I believe I should begin by talking about the visuals and music. The visuals of Journey of Dreams are for the most part simply splendid; the game’s worlds inherit the abstract and colorful aesthetic design of the first game, which is, of course, appropriate, since the game takes place in a dream universe. The worlds are very diverse, as well, with each having its own look. Cutscenes do suffer from a bad framerate and there’s some slight uncanny valley on the human characters in both in-engine cutscenes and FMV’s, but on the whole, visual design holds up very well even five years after the game’s initial release. The soundtrack is…probably the game’s biggest strength. In fact - no exaggeration - it may very well be one of the greatest soundtracks I’ve ever heard from a video game. It’s all just wonderfully composed, upbeat and extremely catchy. Yes, the lyrics to “Dreams Dreams” are just as cringe worthy as ever, but hey, at least the instrumental version is great.

But then, we have…*sigh*…the story. The original Nights told a very simple storyline about two children who are dealing with insecurities in their waking life and, throughout their journeys through the dream world, Nightopia, with the mysterious creature Nights, they grow more confident and courageous and are eventually able to work together to defeat the evil king of nightmares, Wizeman. The endings show them fully conquering their fears and even meeting each other in person, at which point something of a romance is implied. The storyline had very few cutscenes and no dialogue, but conveyed a lot in spite of that. I know the phrase has been used before, but it very much applies here: it talked so little, yet said so much. Journey of Dreams has a very similar premise to the original Nights, but rather than the children being solely concerned with their talents and how they are viewed by their peers because of them, a lot of the insecurities of these two children – named Will and Helen – involve their relationships with their parents. The story of Journey of Dreams would also be able to use better technology to provide in-engine cutscenes and spoken dialogue for said in-engine cutscenes, which, if used well, could have delivered a more compelling narrative.

I think you know where I'm going with this.

Unfortunately, while there was a lot of potential in the storyline of Journey of Dreams, the execution is absolutely dreadful. The narrative is…coherent, I suppose, and there aren’t really any plot holes that I could see, but aside from that, the entire story is horribly written and, on the whole, just very boring. While the game pretends its focus is on the children’s problems and how they come to terms with them over the course of the game – as it should have been – it…really isn’t. We don’t actually know exactly what’s bothering these kids so much that it’s causing them to have horrible nightmares. There are some implications, sure, but we’re never 100% sure exactly what’s bothering them or even why. For instance, Will could possibly be afraid that his father won’t be able to show up at his big soccer game - and spoiler alert: he does - which kind of sucks, but if I’m getting the story right, he should be used to his dad going on these sorts of business trips and he seems pretty competent at playing soccer besides. I could see him being a bit nervous, but scared out of his mind? Or maybe the problem is that he feels lonely because he isn’t able to spend enough time with his dad? The problems are never made completely clear for either of the two kids, and neither was particularly likable besides. They were pretty bland characters and all of the “character development” and the meetings between them felt really forced and contrived.

Actually, every time the story did seem to touch on something that could have been interesting, it didn’t elaborate on it at all. Each of the worlds are said to be a reflection of the visitor’s heart. This could have made for some great opportunities for actual, legitimate character development, but wasn’t. At one point, Owl (who is basically this game’s equivalent to Navi) brings up that most visitors to Nightopia lose their memories upon waking up, and this scene occurs after a pretty big “character” moment. This is brought up once and never mentioned again. There was also the fact that Nights is actually a creation of Wizeman that ended up rebelling against him, while his evil twin brother Reala remains loyal to Wizeman. Both children end up learning this and have very brief moments where they question whether they should trust Nights or not, which is another thing that could have been expanded upon so much more and made into an interesting conflict. Actually, that’s another thing: there was a pretty big opportunity here to give us a deeper understanding of Nights’ back story. We know almost nothing about him…eh…her…IT aside from what I’ve already stated, and because of this, it comes off as a very underdeveloped character. It wasn’t bland if only for the fact that it had an actual personality, but the story still gave me no reason to care about this character, even at its dramatic sacrifice. Yeah, this is a storyline so horridly written that I didn’t even care when one of the main characters supposedly died. Have you ever actually seen that?

Actually, I'm not entirely sure if this game's story is better or worse.

I suppose I shouldn’t even need to mention that the dialogue and voice acting are simply nauseating and the cutscenes all move very slowly. The only parts of the story that I thought even remotely succeeded were the endings. Being completely devoid of anything that made the rest of the story an utter trainwreck, they accomplish exactly what the original Nights did. Not quite as well, but they still do it. Other than that, though, I’d say I might have actually enjoyed this storyline less than that of Sonic the Hedgehog 2006. I guess it’s more comprehensible, but Sonic 06 was bad in a sort of “it’s terrible but I can’t look away” manner. This was just…ugh. Now, you may be thinking that I shouldn’t be harping on this so much; considering exactly what kind of game Nights is, I shouldn’t be devoting so much time to explaining in detail why the story sucks. However…it really is emphasized a lot more than you would think and I can definitely tell that they wanted to make a solid story. Heck, you actually can’t skip the cutscenes in this game; it forces you to watch them the first time. I’ve played very few games that have actually caused me to dread the coming of the next cutscene; this is one of them. In the end, this does leave the storyline as a rather significant fault, which is sad, to say the least. It’s basically the exact opposite of the first game’s storyline: it talks so much, but says almost nothing.

But, of course, while the story is a bit more important to this game than it probably should be, it’s really not the point. The point of Journey of Dreams is its gameplay, and, at its base, it’s basically the same gameplay style that made the original game so unique and fun. You spend the main levels of the game controlling the titular Nights, flying in a 2.5D perspective, which will occasionally switch to behind-the-back or top-down perspectives. You fly through rings, collect Blue Chips and defeat Nightmarens as you make your way through the level to accomplish the goal at hand and get the highest score possible. Nights also has a drill dash move that is used to gain speed as well as attack enemies and destroy obstacles, but as you use it, the gauge depletes. Said gauge is refilled by flying through rings.  By creating an enclosed loop with the trail that Nights leaves behind when flying, you can also perform a “paraloop” move, which kills all enemies and collects all Blue Chips inside of it. Flying through a set of rings and collecting Blue Chips will create “Links”, or combos, which can be maintained for extra points. Nights has a time limit, and if it runs out, you will have to control one of the kids and make your way back to the place that Nights is being held, which basically cripples your potential score. Upon completing the level, you finally face off with a boss.

So, Journey of Dreams is fundamentally similar to the original game. However, there are some key differences that significantly affect the experience. Despite the time limit, Nights into Dreams was a rather leisurely game. The objective was to collect the Ideya from the stationary Ideya Captures, and taking one of the Ideya back to the Ideya Palace would start a new course of the level. To break the Ideya Captures, you had to collect twenty Blue Chips, which would respawn along with the rings every time you flew past an Ideya Palace, and even when you got the Ideya, there was no need to start the next course just yet, and you would have to make use of this to get the best ranks. In fact, you would actually get more points if you hit the checkpoint while you were down to your last ten seconds. Into Dreams also felt like its level design, while more compact, was a bit more multi-faceted and there was more of a focus on finding secrets in them.

In comparison, Journey of Dreams is more focused on being fast. In the main levels, you are required to chase down a bird that is carrying a key in order to unlock a cage, which will start the next course. Levels are much larger to accommodate this, but feel more streamlined and aren’t quite as multi-faceted as those of the original Nights, nor do they contain as many secrets. Links are also a lot easier to maintain than in the original Nights and are more important because they add to your allotted time in this game, and the more time you have when you break the cage, the higher your score will be. It feels like they were trying to create an experience more similar to, say, a Sonic game, and while I find the approach of the original Nights more enjoyable, Journey of Dreams’ approach does what it wants to do well in spite of some rubber band AI on the birds. Level design is also great and even creative, with each level having some very unique gimmicks and attributes. I’m particularly fond of Crystal Castle. Some areas in this level have objects that only appear in mirrors, and there are prisms and whatnot that split Nights into tiny clones or even make him/her/it gigantic, which are put to various uses. They’re all very imaginative and are generally great fun.

Oh yeah, the new power-ups are pretty cool, too.

Of course, you may be curious as to how well this game makes use of the Wii’s technology.  Yuji Naka, the programmer of the original game, said himself that the Wii would be the perfect console for a Nights sequel because of the motion controls. One of the possible control styles for Journey of Dreams allows you to use the Wii Remote’s IR to control Nights. Does it work well? Ehhhhhhhhhh...not really.  The Wii IR controls aren’t awful if you know how the game wants you to use them. You’re supposed to keep the Wii Remote’s position relatively the same and use only subtle movements to control Nights, but…quite frankly, that’s a bit impractical, and can become cramp inducing after a while. It’s not exactly easy on the thumb, either, since you have to keep the “A” button held down the whole time to continue moving. Doing loops is also made needlessly difficult with these controls because of how easy it is to lose your position, and half the time, straight up and straight down movements, while rarely required, are nigh-on impossible to do correctly. It’s really disappointing, honestly, because there was a lot of potential here to enhance the experience, but ultimately, you’re going to want to stick to analog control. Analog control is decent, but unfortunately, even then, the game feels weirdly stiff in comparison to the nigh-on perfect controls of the first game, which takes away some of the fluidity of the gameplay. The game is still plenty fun, but it is noticeable and does hurt the experience a bit.

Each world in the game has four missions aside from the main ones. The fifth one is always a more difficult rematch with that world’s boss. Bosses in the game get points for originality, but not all of them are particularly fun. I suppose most of them are decently enjoyable if a bit tedious, but there were three that were just bad. The boss battle of Lost Park required you to perform paraloops in order to uncover the boss, which was hiding behind a curtain, within the time limit. This came off as pretty much entirely luck-based, and while cards in the background could possibly give a clue as to where he was hiding, generally they didn’t help much. The second fight was even worse, since bombs with unfathomably large blast radii were randomly peppered throughout the arena. The mechanics of Crystal Castle’s boss, while unique, suffered from poor physics that made it needlessly difficult. Memory Forest’s boss fight was fine in the first battle, but in the second just dragged on forever and made it difficult to get a decent rank.

Most of each world’s other missions were actually pretty dang fun. Generally, they used the same mechanics of the main missions, but put them to a different use or gave you a different goal, which helped to add a lot of variety to the game. In particular, I enjoyed the Octopaw missions, which had you following this blue octopus creature that…crapped out rings in order to get a high number of Links. Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense, but it was a lot of fun. Another that I found especially enjoyable was a mission in Memory Forest that was played something like a rhythm game, which I thought was a very unique and fun use of the Nights gameplay. There were a few missions that were rather insipid: namely, the “platforming” missions played with the two kids. There were four of these, and they were about as bland as the kids themselves. They were slow, tedious and almost completely devoid of any actual platforming, puzzles or anything that could possibly have made these missions salvageable. They’re also considerably longer than most other missions in the game. These missions make up only four out of the game’s thirty, but they were so bad that they just needed to be mentioned. Just…ugh.

The Good:

+ Great graphics

+ Amazing soundtrack

+ Gameplay is still fun and unique

+ Very fun and creative levels

+ Plenty of variety

+ Endings are satisfying…

The Bad:

- …but the story is otherwise horrid

-  Wii IR controls are disappointing

- Analog control isn’t as polished as in the first game

- Some bosses just suck

- Missions with the kids are an utter travesty

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So, how does Nights: Journey of Dreams compare to its predecessor? Well…the first is most definitely a far superior game in…basically every aspect except the graphics and possibly the music. But though it has several noteworthy faults, as a whole, Journey of Dreams is still a pretty good game. While controls aren’t nearly as fluid as in the first game, they really aren’t bad enough to keep the gameplay from being very enjoyable. The story is intrusive, over-emphasized and, to be blunt, downright awful, but the gameplay is still Journey’s primary focus in the end. It’s pretty short, but there’s a good amount of replay value here and the game has been out for five years anyway, so it probably wouldn’t cost too much. At the very least, you should consider renting it. It’s not a great experience, but it’s an experience worth having nonetheless.

Grade: B-

No More Heroes Review

-------My Rating System-------

A(-)(+) A top notch experience all the way through. It may not necessarily be perfect, but whatever flaws it does have won’t take you out of it or make it any less worth your time. (Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2)

B(-)(+) A very fun experience bogged down by some significant problems, whether they’re related to the story, gameplay, or both. However, it’s still a good or even great game and worth the price of admission. (Kingdom Hearts: Recoded)

C(-)(+) A mixed bag. Generally fun to some extent and may shine in some areas, but is either too flawed to fully recommend or far too short for its price. Conisder it for a reduced price, at least if you’re a fan of its genre. (Rayman 3D)

D(-)(+) Subpar. It may not be terrible, but it is severely flawed and whatever it does well ultimately fails to save it. Even if you’re a fan of the genre, this is barely a bargain bin purchase. (Sonic Heroes)

F Insipid, disgusting, despicable, and insufferable. It is a scar on the face of human accomplishments that time shall never heal. The best thing we can do is avoid playing it at all costs. It is the only way to prevent its parasitic disease of awfulness from spreading. (Shadow the Hedgehog)


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Well…how to begin? I recently played through No More Heroes for the first time, and since I don’t really have anything else to talk about and it seemed like a pretty unique game, I thought that I may as well write a review of it. No More Heroes is brought to us by Goichi Suda – nickname Suda51 – whom I didn't actually know about before playing this game, but apparently, he’s responsible for killer7 and a lot of games that I’ve never even heard of. But after playing this one, I am kind of interested in his other work. Thus the review begins.


Oh, and happy Fourth of July, since that happens to be the day I'm posting this.

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The story of No More Heroes focuses on the wonderfully named Travis Touchdown, a pro-wrestling-obsessed otaku living in poverty in a motel after winning a beam katana off the Internet in an auction. After meeting with a woman named Silvia Christel, he takes on a job to kill a man named Helter Skelter and succeeds at doing so, and so the United Assassins Association ranks him as the 11^th-best assassin the world. Wanting nothing more than to be the best, Travis sets out on a quest to brutally murder the other ten assassins and reach rank 1.

How classy.

The main plot does actually get a bit interesting towards the end thanks to some well-done plot twists, but what really stands out is the writing. No More Heroes doesn’t take itself seriously in the least; in fact, it’s intentionally cheesy (in an enjoyable way) and it knows that the main protagonist is just as despicable of a human being – well, almost as despicable, in some cases – as the people you’re fighting against. There is no fourth wall to speak of, either, and a lot of the dialogue is really funny. All of the characters, from the main protagonist to the other ranked assassins to the Travis’s designated foil are very well-written, and it all makes this a very fun – and funny – story to watch play out.

No More Heroes has a very unique cel-shaded art style that looks something like a comic book. It did have to grow on me for some reason, but the more I played the game, the more I fell in love with it. The soundtrack is far from the most diverse you’ll ever hear; in fact, boss themes aside, it’s mostly just remixes of the same tune, but it is pretty nice and the credits theme is just amazing.

Now, let’s move on to the gameplay, and let me just say that if you ever wanted to play Kill Bill rather than simply watch it, No More Heroes may just be for you. The majority of the game is played as a hack-n-slash…with a freaking beam katana. Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. You can slash high and slash low depending on how you’re holding the Wii Remote, and all slashing is done with the “A” button. Once an enemy’s health bar is completely depleted, swing the Wii Remote in the requested direction and you will kill the enemy, resulting in massive amounts of blood and guts bursting out and raining down on everything. Since I prefer to keep the content of this blog relatively PG, I am not going to show any screenshots of this.

Instead, enjoy this picture of a ridiculously adorable puppy.

Of course, slicing your enemy to bits isn’t the only way to deplete their health bar. By pressing “B”, you can perform an attack that has a chance of stunning the enemy, at which point you can press “B” again and take the enemy down with Travis’s pro wrestling moves, which you gain more of throughout the game. These are performed by swinging the Wii Remote and Nunchuk in various directions. You can also lock blades with enemies, at which point you must shake the Wii Remote into oblivion; win, and you will get to slice in the enemy into gory chunks, regardless of how much health said enemy had left.  Of course, you will have to defend yourself, but blocking is automatically done when you are locked on to an enemy and if an enemy is using an unblockable charged attack, you can simply use the D-Pad to roll out of the way. Each time you kill an enemy, a slot machine appears at the bottom of the screen, and if you get three matching slots, you will be able to use other moves with some…rather interesting names. “Cranberry Chocolate Sundae” allows you to respond to button prompts for one-hit kills, “Strawberry on the Shortcake” allows you to deliver a killing blow after hitting any enemy only once and "Blueberry Cheese Brownie" allows you to shoot sword beams at enemies. 

Delicious.

The gameplay is a bit “style over substance”, but that’s not always a bad thing. In fact, combat in No More Heroes is actually a lot of fun. Even if it is simplistic, the combat feels awesome and satisfying, especially when you deliver that gory killing blow, which can also take out or knock down other enemies in its vicinity. Of course, this is no doubt in part thanks to the fact that Travis’s weapon of choice is a freaking beam katana. The wrestling moves are a lot of fun to pull off as well, and the required motions for each of these actions are, for the most part, pretty responsive. I did notice that it sometimes wouldn’t respond properly after the first try and when it did, I didn’t always have to be particularly accurate – I recall several occasions where I swung the Wii Remote in the exact opposite direction of the one I was told to and it still worked – which is a bit of a flaw, but not one that severely drags the game down if only because I almost always got it to work the second time.  And, of course, you’ve got to keep in mind that this game was released relatively early on in the Wii’s lifespan. What was a bit more annoying was the lock-on system, which seemed a tad erratic and didn’t always lock on to the enemy that I meant to lock onto, even if he was directly in front of me. In the end, though, these are pretty minor faults.

The game also isn’t without challenge. You will have to mind the battery charge of your beam katana as you take down enemies, and if it runs too low, you will have to find a safe spot and attempt to charge it, done by shaking the Wii Remote repeatedly. Some of the larger enemy groups can be a bit tough as well, and you will face off with some more durable enemies as the game goes on. And then there are the bosses. Yes, while a lot of No More Heroes is spent taking on various grunts, the game places heavy emphasis on its boss fights. The main “levels” of the game, accessed when you’ve paid a stipulated entry fee, are the ranked matches with the other assassins, although you have to fight your way to said assassins first. There is plenty of diversity between these areas, which keeps the gameplay from feeling too repetitive. As for the bosses themselves, they’re also pretty diverse and generally very challenging; each one will require you to use different tactics to avoid their attacks and find openings for you to attack yourself. They are quite fun to fight, but what did annoy me about a few of them was that they have attacks that always kill you regardless of how much health you have. You are not going to see this coming the first time this happens to you, and it’s pretty insulting besides to be taken down immediately by something like that after spending an hour (figuratively) whittling away at a boss’s health bar. Of course, this only applies to a few boss fights in the game, and all of the others are quite well-designed.

This is one of the bosses. No, really.

But like I said, to access these ranked matches, you have to pay a rather large fee. Thus, part of the game consists of driving around the city of Santa Boring – oh, excuse me, Santa Destroy – looking for various ways to get money. True, that joke was lame, but still, I’ve got to say, the overworld is probably the worst part of the game. Aside from some stores and more or less compulsory missions taken from the two exact same places, there is very little to do. There are side missions of sorts, but they’re rather few and far between and are all exactly the same…and, from my experience, nigh-on impossible to boot. The only collectible items were seven balls scattered around the city, but the place was so needlessly huge that I felt no motivation to get them and after playing through the game twice – once on the highest difficulty level – I obviously didn’t suffer for it. Aside from that, the city just feels really lifeless and dull. Nothing changes over the course of the game aside from stores opening up early on and the NPC’s and other such objects are only there for you to run over – no, really. Oh, and it’s not very polished, either; there were several moments where the bike actually got stuck due to bad collision detection and I had to fight with the game for a few seconds to get it free. It’s pretty annoying, quite frankly.

But as for the missions themselves, which most of your time in the overworld will be spent doing, they fare quite a bit better. There are two types of main missions, both of which will get you tons of money, depending on how well you perform. These types are part-time jobs and assassination missions. Part-time jobs are mini-games in which you do, well…part-time jobs. These include such riveting activities as collecting garbage, filling up cars with gas and wiping away graffiti. All snarking aside, these missions really aren’t as boring as you would expect; they’re far from the most substantial mini-games you’ll ever play, but they are well-executed and fairly enjoyable and they help to give the gameplay a bit of variety. Assassination missions are basically timed missions in which you kill people for money. Some have little twists and such, but that’s really all there is to it. Since the combat is still fun, though, I won’t count off for it.

The Good:

+ Enjoyable story with funny writing

+ Great art style

+ Nice soundtrack

+ Very fun combat

+ Great bosses for the most part

+ Part-time job mini-games add variety

The Bad:

- Motions can be slightly unresponsive or inaccurate at times

- Some bosses have instant kill moves

- Generally boring overworld

- Occasional collision detection issues in said overworld

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It’s far from perfect, but ultimately, No More Heroes is a very fun game that’s definitely worth experiencing. It’s true, there isn’t much substance to it, and in fact, to an extent it could even be called mindless at points. But hey, sometimes, that can be fun. It’s comparable to Crazy Taxi in a sense; no, there’s not much to it, but it’s so over-the-top and so crazy that you can’t help but enjoy it relentlessly. It’s a “popcorn game”, so to speak, and the fun story and great writing only make it that much better. No More Heroes is a very good game and I intend for the sequel to find its way into my ever-growing collection soon.

Grade: B

Hey, I actually remembered to copy the grading system this time!